I love the imagery and the alliteration that flows when you read this aloud. I know that the purists amongst us say not to use poetic devices in haiku, but it is used so perfectly here in your verse that no one could object. Well done. Be well, healthy and safe. ~ Mary
With respect Mary, what "purists" do you refer to who would allege alliteration is not part of "pure" haiku?
I personally consider the "purest" exponents of haiku would be the classical Japanese "four" greats – Basho, Buson, Issa and Shiki, and they used alliterative devices in their works when it suited them:
For instance Basho:
ushiro no hana mo
ura no haru
do not be in doubt –
even the flowers of the tides
have spring in the inlets
samukaroo kayukaroo hito ni aitakaroo
you must be cold
you must be itching
you must long to see people
I agree with Karen Butterworth, in English-language haiku:
"Alliteration can be a tribute to the music of language, and works that way as long as it does not distract from what the words say"
Oh dear, perhaps I shouldn’t have left my comment. I absolutely love this haiku and the alteration is a big part of it. It flows lyrically through the mind, breath ad voice. Consider me chastised for thinking alliteration wasn’t encouraged in English language haiku. What do I know? You’ve read the great masters in Japanese while I cannot do that. In English translations it must be very different. Personally. Love alliteration and many other literary devices. In haiku, due to the brevity and nature of the verse, we are all careful to never overdo any of them. Karen Butterworth’s quote is excellent. Surely you must see that I love the poem for this reason. So, do forgive my ignorance. Parma knows I love her poem.
Mary, I certainly didn't intend to chastise you! I could sense your enthusiasm for the verse. And I am glad you commented – it is important to feel free to comment on this site especially when we read something which moves us!
My reply was intended more to reassure other, perhaps new writers of our beloved poetry form, that there is no prohibition against alliteration. I want poets exploring haiku not to be encumbered with imaginary "rules" or prohibitions, and to reassure them that if they are inspired with a verse which alliterates delightfully, they should not cross it out and start again simply on that basis.
I wish you peace and look forward to seeing more comments from you in the future! (and hopefully some of your own submissions)
I am absolutely certain that you love my poem. Please do not hesitate to leave comments/critique. I t is such a wonderful feeling to know that my poem is being read. I am a rather new comer to the world of haiku, only 5-6 yrs since I started publishing my poems. I really appreciate comments and suggestions. Thank you again for taking time to read and leave a comment for my poem.~ Padma
It is no often that the poems from tinywords move me enough to reply to them, but this is one such occasion. This is a magnificent piece. I like poems that open up as you experience them and think about them. Thank you for creating it and sharing it with us.